Blog Series: Aging with Purpose in Middle Adulthood

By midlife, the routines of life and the development of our character have been set in motion. We have a way of doing life that we are comfortable with, even if there are things that we don’t like about it. At this point in life, most people have experienced trauma and pain of some magnitude, either from their own actions, or the actions of others. Some have found ways to heal and process. Others find ways to cope and push the hurt of life down inside them.

It's Not Too Late

A commonality amongst humans is the belief that “This is just who I am.” In literature, this is what is known as a static character. A static character in the literary world is a character who does not change throughout the story. They maintain the same beliefs and personality throughout the story, with no real internal change. Think Mrs. Bennett in Pride and Prejudice, or Inspector Javert in Les Misérables. In contrast, a dynamic character in the literary world is a character who, because of circumstances, difficulties, trials, etc. undergoes a significant internal change in their beliefs, personality or demeanor. For dynamic character examples, think Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice, or Jean Valjean in Les Misérables. Where am I going with this? It’s not too late to become a dynamic character in the story that is your life. Have you lived for 20 years with unprocessed pain and trauma from your childhood? Been a harsh or cruel spouse or parent for over a decade? Have you been living with anger, shame or grief that you try to stuff down, or keep a lid on? Is there something else you have been holding onto that causes you pain in your life? Just because you are in the middle years of your life doesn’t mean that you have to maintain the status quo of who you are and how you live your life. It’s not too late to change who you have been in your earlier life and become a different person in the later years of life. You can grow, heal and change to become a qualitatively different person. There is still time; and it’s worth it.

Smell the Roses

By the time we get to the middle of adulthood, our lives can be on cruise control. We often forget to slow down, smell the roses and be present in the current moment. Life is infused with so many things that make it joyful, and I’m not just referring to the big things. I’m thinking about a cup of coffee, a sunrise or a sunset, the first belly laugh of a baby, a good movie that stirs your emotions and makes you cry, the cool breeze that happens by you on an oppressively hot day or the first puzzle of the Winter season. These types of things can be seen for what they are, even in the midst of difficult seasons of life, or a difficult life. Don’t forget to have fun. Be amazed and in awe of the world in which we live. Strive to have eyes that see the joy, especially in the small things in life. Aging through the middle years of life doesn’t have to be the same as life has been in its earlier stages. We can be people who engage in and continue to heal and change. Additionally, we don’t live in a humdrum world. We live in a world shot through with beauty and joy. As you age, don’t forget to notice the beauty and the joy each and every day. At times, we need help from others in order to become the dynamic character that we long to be and believe we can become. At Restoration Psychology, we would love to walk alongside you to aid in your journey through whatever stage of life you are in. Reach out today to schedule your first appointment.