As human beings, we share many things in common. We all need food to survive. We all need sleep to function well—some of us more than others. And if you’ve been alive for any length of time, you have experienced difficult or unkind interactions with other people. This, too, is part of our shared humanity. With that in mind, I want to offer a few reflections on how we might tend to the pain and stress that often arise from these experiences.
Acknowledge vs. Ignore
For many reasons, it is common for people to ignore feelings of pain and hurt that emerge from difficult interpersonal interactions. Some of us intuitively sense that processing our hurt will require time and emotional energy, and the pace of our lives rarely affords that kind of space. Others imagine pain as something like a Pandora’s box—afraid of what we might uncover, or how deep the rabbit hole might go once we begin to open it.
Whatever the reason, when we ignore the pain caused by one—or many—unkind interactions, we rob ourselves of a pathway toward healing and growth. It is difficult, if not nearly impossible, to heal from something we struggle to acknowledge exists or has affected us. Naming our pain is not weakness; it is often the first step toward wholeness.
Care for Our Body
Caring for our bodies can help reduce the stress we carry from difficult interactions with others. Regular movement and exercise have been shown to reduce stress, regardless of its source. Personally, I’ve experienced stress relief through various forms of exercise, but hanging a heavy bag in my garage has been especially helpful.
A brief word of caution: try not to picture anyone’s face on the heavy bag. While the physical release can be beneficial, that kind of mental focus often does more harm to the soul than good. Instead, I try to picture my stress itself—paying attention to where I’m holding it in my body and allowing the movement to help release it.
In addition to exercise, our eating habits are worth paying attention to when we are carrying pain from unkind interactions. Many of us are tempted to turn to food to soothe discomfort—sweets, soda, alcohol, Taco Bell (my nemesis). While understandable, these choices often leave us feeling worse physically. By choosing nourishment that supports our bodies as best we can, we set ourselves up to feel steadier and more resilient.
Process with Someone
In an ideal world, we would always be able to speak directly with the person who has hurt us. While I encourage you to consider this when it is appropriate and safe, it is not always feasible—or wise. Perhaps you have already tried, and the person continues to interact with you in harmful ways.
Even when direct conversation isn’t possible, it is still important to talk with someone. Once you acknowledge that the stress and pain are real, consider processing them with a trusted friend, mentor, spouse, pastor, or mental health professional. This becomes especially important when painful interactions have been ongoing for some time.
You do not have to carry this alone. Our counselors at Restoration Psychology would be honored to walk alongside you, helping you process painful interactions and, in turn, easing the stress they create. Reach out today.