What if the choices you make in your twenties and thirties are not just about today, but about the story you’ll be telling decades from now? In other words, if you picture yourself years down the line, looking back on your young adulthood, will you be grateful for what you invested in? What might you wish you had done differently?
These years are frequently idealized as a time of freedom and possibility, yet many young adults find themselves feeling confused, anxious, and unsure about who they want to be in the world. So, let’s imagine what it might look like to take a deep breath, slow down, and move into these years with confidence and room to make mistakes? This is not another blog about self-improvement and how to be happier with yourself in sixty days’ time. Instead, I hope you receive this as an invitation to live with both intentionality and self-compassion.
Identity Formation
These years are often marked by attempting to answer the question of “Who am I?” apart from my family of origin. This plays out as one navigates their higher education and career path, friendships and romantic relationships, and passions and hobbies. You might even notice yourself and people around you seeking to make something of themselves based on how they perform in one or more of those categories. It’s important for me to take a moment here to normalize that ups and downs will occur as relationships change and career plans fluctuate. Young adults frequently feel pressured to have their entire life move up and to the right, but this is a normal time of life to learn who you are and who you want to be through trial and error. My encouragement is to do so with intention and with the input of trusted friends and mentor figures who can remind you of your values and keep you on the desired path.
Balancing Exploration with Commitment
One of the potential pitfalls of this life stage and the associated talk around living a sort of free rein lifestyle is losing a value on commitment. A sense of purpose is often found in the tension between freedom and responsibility. Once you find something you enjoy and believe in (a job, city, relationship), begin to commit to it.
Solidifying Values
As autonomy and responsibility increase, opportunity does as well. The opportunity involves determining your values and what priorities are going to guide your life. Examples of this include spirituality, career goals, a desire to have your own family, considering your contribution to society, etc. In my work, I like to guide clients through acknowledging values imputed to them by their family of origin and determining which of those they would like to continue to carry while also likely bringing along values they gained elsewhere. A couple of worthwhile questions to ask yourself periodically during these years are “What gives me energy?” and “What impact do I want to have?” When we live in a manner aligned with our values, we find ourselves an increased sense of confidence and satisfaction.
Some Reassurance
As I mentioned above, it is crucial to remember that it is okay to get it wrong during your early adult years. In fact, it is safe to say you can expect yourself to in one way or another. You are in the process of becoming, and this will always be true. It is important to relate to yourself with curiosity and self-compassion during these years and surround yourself with people who will reinforce this for you.
Therapy can be a very beneficial space to begin to wrestle with some of the questions and ideas highlighted in this blog. Identity formation and value exploration frequently come up in my work with clients. If you are interested in taking a step toward scheduling, don’t hesitate to reach out to us!