If you've ever tried to change a habit — quit drinking, set a boundary, leave a relationship behind — and found yourself seemingly going backwards more than once, you're not failing. You're human, and you're likely moving through what psychologists call the “Stages of Change".
In our recent podcast episode, Addictions and Codependency, we talked about how real behavior change rarely happens in one fowl swoop. The Stages of Change Model (Prochaska & DiClemente) can help remove shame from the process and give some insight into where you are and where to go next.
The Stages:
- Precontemplation — “What problem? There is no problem here.”
- Contemplation — “Maybe there is a problem. I wonder what it would even look like to start to tend to it.”
- Preparation/Determination — “I’m going to start looking into some resources and making plans that could help me make changes.”
- Action — “It’s go-time. I’m beginning to try to break these patterns and make needed changes in my life.”
- Maintenance — “I’ve been at this for a sustained amount of time now. Maintaining the change doesn’t feel as difficult as it once did because this has become my new normal.”
- Relapse (or Lapse) — “I found myself back in those old patterns again. Maybe just once. Maybe more than a few times.”
Why This Matters for Codependency and People Pleasing
This model can apply to substance use, but it can also apply just as much to patterns like codependency or people pleasing, as discussed in previous blog posts. Simply recognizing you're stuck (contemplation) is real progress, even before anything's changed. Insight is the open door to change. Slipping back into an old habit doesn't immediately erase the progress you've made. And you do not automatically have to start back at precontemplation. You can find yourself in a lapse and jump right back into the Action stage.
How Therapy Supports Each Stage
A therapist can meet you exactly where you are — whether that's exploring the ambivalence in Contemplation, building a plan with you in Preparation, or working through a lapse without completely starting over. Therapy isn't just for the Action stage. In fact, often times people come into therapy in the Precontemplation stage because people around them have voiced concern about certain patterns in their life, yet they are in disagreement. Some of the most valuable work can happen before anything's changed at all.
FAQ
Is it normal to relapse in the stages of change? Yes — moving back into an earlier stage is very common, not a sign of failure.
Do I need to be in the "action" stage to start therapy? No. Therapy can help at any stage, including when you're still deciding whether the change is worth it or possible.
Find Support at Any Stage of Change
Wherever you are in the process, our practice offers individual therapy to help you move through it. If you're in Centennial, CO and searching for a therapist near me who understands the real, non-linear process of change, contact us today to schedule a session.