A new school, new routines, new expectations. While these can bring excitement for a kid or teenager, they can certainly bring a host of other emotions as well (ie anxiety, grief, uncertainty). Transition, no matter how welcome or otherwise, typically requires an adjustment period. And while your child is resilient, change is still hard. They need your support–practically and emotionally.
Why Change is Hard
Transition always means losing what is familiar be it people, routines, identity, or places. Familiarity is often closely tied to safety because it is predictable. When the predictability is lost, kids and teens might feel a lack of control. On top of all that, your child is still building coping skills to navigate the resulting distress and emotional dysregulation that accompany feeling out of control and uncertain about what is ahead. This is developmentally appropriate, yet certainly adds a layer to the difficulty of transitions big and small. The big idea I invite you to keep in mind as you seek to support your child through a transition is that their behavior changes are often communication about their internal world and what they need, rather than outright defiance. Below, I’m going to offer you a few concrete tools that I believe will go a long way in helping your kid or teen through this change.
1. Name and Normalize Feelings
Kids are often emotionally expressive, communicating with behaviors, tone of voice, intense language, etc. Still, they’re still learning to accurately name what emotion(s) they are feeling. You might give them language by saying compassionately, “You seem to be feeling nervous/sad/excited. That makes sense.” Avoid rushing to fix or dismiss whatever emotions they have. Your child first wants to be seen. They want to know you are able to handle that which feels overwhelming to them.
2. Keep What You Can Consistent
Whatever it is that can stay the same throughout the transition process, prioritize this! This limits change to only what is necessary and helps the child or teenager feel a little more in control. This might be meals, bedtime, connection time, clothing, or stuffed animals. Depending on the age of your child, you can even collaborate with them to determine what major things they’d like to keep the same that would help ease them into that which is changing. This helps give them a sense of control and counter the “everything is changing” feeling.
3. Create Space for Questions + Expression
This one will look different depending on the type of change you are navigating. Nonetheless, invite conversation without forcing it. This might not be a sit down talk over a meal but could happen through modes such as drawing, journaling, or casual chat in the car. You want your child to know the door is open for them to process the change without feeling like they have to in order to ease your anxiety about how they’re doing.
4. Notice Behavior as Communication
Back to that big idea I mentioned earlier. Irritability, withdrawal, or regression can be helpful signals that they are struggling with the transition at hand. Seek to respond with curiosity rather than immediate correction. It’s okay to ask for help as you make sense of their newly arising needs. They are not expected to have it all figured out and neither are you.
What Now?
Remember, transitions take time and adjustment is not immediate. The progress will often not be linear. Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need one who is present and available, able to stay grounded when they are not.
If your child is struggling more than expected and you don’t know what to do, sometimes an outside, neutral space for them can help. In therapy, we offer support and practical tools in a consistent, safe space. We provide services to children as young as two years old all the way up through the lifespan, both in-person and virtually. You and your child don’t have to figure it out all on your own. Please reach out if you’re curious about how counseling might be a resource to your family in this time.